it is AM 03:04.
Had two bottles of white wine during late afternoon and night….. making this post mostly as my own personal commitment.
Will update whom-ever follower I have left later. Truly loved both the caring from fellow people supporting me – and me taking active part in supporting You.
Somewhat holding this Blog dear to my heart – still. Holding the idea that I actually did succeced in 2015 – Damn time flies… Did not succeced since I am at day 1 – again….
Numerus events happening since. Youngest kid diagnosed with a psychological disorder – severe Infantil Autisme – now at a special school with no outlook for a real education, nor growing up holding job, building family the like…. “I told You so”, him and I was not just holding traditional father and son Alfa male temper issues…. But again a little to late to get that straight as we divorced 5 month prior to him been diagnosed.
And so much of my life went by ….. major challenges .. life-changing set-backs…. Holding what-ever reason to drink…… Holding what-ever reason to stop drinking.
Holding the positive note / the ever uplifting spirit of SoberMan. I did (and still do) my ever so very best for both my kids, my now ex-wife… in both dealing with the divorse … supporting her in what-ever maner (reason behind was not alcohol – I believe 😉 – may touch subject in a later post) financially, handling the actual move, the kids…. actually to a level where each and everybody told me – and keeps telling me – to somewhat hold focus on …. what is often my soft spot – me !
For some fucking reason I happens to hold the tendency to care the least about myself.
I can do – and I am doing what from the outside being valued as the very outmost to the ones I hold dearest. (if being alcoholic – ha ha.. okay then High Functioning, given so much to my nearest … that I do indeed hold enormous respect…) So much that I am being given Heads Up about caring for myself.
So that is exactly what I will start doing now….
Being thankful for all that I have – all the “dearest” – held tight at heart – doing as they wish, some without knowing what it means – others do indeed. Taking care of myself first….
Somewhat like the oxigen mask in the airplane in case of an emergency. No matter the sense of emergency – your self first – even prior to your infants.. AND That is what I will do as of tonight.
Being on that flight before… luckily I also remember weeks and months following Day 1, entering the aircraft and turning left ! Of course – Finally, being the pilot of my own life again !
First the oxigin mask while I can put it on myself. Goal being to be the captain of my own life – again.
All bottles / what-ever beverage emptied… All up for Day 1 …. All up for SoberMan back in the pilot-set ASAP !!!
READY FOR TAKE-OFF !!