This post was ment to be labelled “Am I man enough for Yoga – YES ! – instead I “relapsed”.
Point being that in 11 days I will be going to Thailand for a 2 weeks meditation and Yoga retreat. Notice last week was my first Yoga Class. A Yogi yet to be !
Fucked up ? Yes, this was ment to be my first day as a non-smoker. I simply cannot see myself entering a Yoga resort smoking ! Instead I am now chain smoking – and drinking beers while writing this post.
So what went wrong. Spent the day “fall tree-cutting” in my grand-grand dads summer-house in the countryside with my lovely uncle. He is a smoker – and a normal drinker. Sweating like hell, well time for a break. And I went for the beer instead of the cigarette.
And on my way home I arranged numerous supplies of both – “enjoying” both while writing this.
Some will argue quitting smoking in early sobriety will mess up your brain. (I was without both smoking and alcohol 5 and 4 month earlier this year – so quitting absolutely not impossible.
Trying to figure out what went wrong :
This morning my oldest daughter cancelled our appointment tomorrow about going to a special exhibition at our most beloved art museum. Scheduled for a month. Disappointed – and “therefore holding no responsibilities for tomorrow”.
Friday, going to a dinner with former peers / managers at this “world wide leading IT corporation” – me being (unemployed, building a beard (Movember) and to top it of – being sober – not one of us anymore ?
And in a deeper level I think this upcoming retreat of being oh so balanced / my safe harbour in sight left my unguarded. As If I could let loose, enjoy the benefits of moderation (fooling who ?)
Not the case.
Wrapping up this post – and a shitty day – Soberman always on positive note : Tomorrow is yet another (sober) day. 10 days only to safe harbour at the meditation and yoga retreat.
Thanks for all Your Support. Hugs !
/Soberman – learning his lessons today – indeed man enough for Yoga !