FUCKED IT UP TODAY !

yoga

This post was ment to be labelled “Am I man enough for Yoga – YES ! – instead I “relapsed”.

Point being that in 11 days I will be going to Thailand for a 2 weeks meditation and Yoga retreat. Notice last week was my first Yoga Class. A Yogi yet to be !

Fucked up ? Yes, this was ment to be my first day as a non-smoker. I simply cannot see myself entering a Yoga resort smoking ! Instead I am now chain smoking – and drinking beers while writing this post.

So what went wrong. Spent the day “fall tree-cutting” in my grand-grand dads summer-house in the countryside with my lovely uncle. He is a smoker – and a normal drinker. Sweating like hell, well time for a break. And I went for the beer instead of the cigarette.

And on my way home I arranged numerous supplies of both – “enjoying” both while writing this.

Some will argue quitting smoking in early sobriety will mess up your brain. (I was without both smoking and alcohol 5 and 4  month earlier this year – so quitting absolutely not impossible.

Trying to figure out what went wrong :
This morning my oldest daughter cancelled our appointment tomorrow about going to a special exhibition at our most beloved art museum. Scheduled for a month. Disappointed – and “therefore holding no responsibilities for tomorrow”.

Friday, going to a dinner with former peers / managers at this “world wide leading IT corporation” – me being (unemployed, building a beard (Movember) and to top it of – being sober – not one of us anymore ?

And in a deeper level I think this upcoming retreat of being oh so balanced / my safe harbour in sight left my unguarded. As If I could let loose, enjoy the benefits of moderation (fooling who ?)
Not the case.

Wrapping up this post – and a shitty day – Soberman always on positive note : Tomorrow is yet another (sober) day. 10 days only to safe harbour at the meditation and yoga retreat.

Thanks for all Your Support. Hugs !

/Soberman – learning his lessons today – indeed man enough for Yoga !

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24 thoughts on “FUCKED IT UP TODAY !

  1. It’s all really hard to do. You know you can, because you have, but still- if you’re mind is fixated on this “normal drinking” thing you’ll keep struggling with it. So I’m gonna remind you (because you already know) that there ARE NO BENEFITS to normal drinking, any kind of drinking, Really no perks. Even if you were a person who could drink one and leave it (still boggles the mind) there’s nothing there for you. I guess I’m saying alcohol is NOT REALLY THAT GREAT, and there’s nothing about it that should make us want to hang on to it. Even if we can (and we can’t!!).

    Anyhoo, Your retreat sounds lovely and maybe that’s where it’ll stick for you. So I’m wishing you the best and hopefully today (or tomorrow) will be good one:)

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Maybe don’t worry so much about the smoking right now. Yes, it needs to go — but putting so much pressure on yourself is a sure way to make yourself miserable. (FULL DISCLOSURE: Sneaking a cig after a yoga class is a dirty habit I indulge in every once in a while.) Sure, smoking is gross, but the most important thing is probably getting your head straight without drinking off your senses each night for right now. If you do that (and add yoga in) you might find the smoking tapers off almost on its own. When I started meditating my smoking went down to 1-2 cigarettes a day and has stayed there ever since (8 years). While I should be rid of it completely, I’m waiting until I get more sober days under my belt before smoking goes away completely. Good luck.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks alot for sharing your insights. and your Disclosure 😉

      Somehow I stated myself that …”soberman… has the wisdom and the maturity to use the power wisely” – Still some learning loops left 😉

      Like

  3. Hello Soberman. I really like ainsobriety’s comment, “Dust off”. I don’t think any of us dust off nearly as often as we should. I could do with a dusting myself. But back to you…a yoga and meditation retreat in Thailand is it? Can’t wait to hear all about it. Onwards Soberman, you can do it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I think Ainsobriety nailed it very well. Raise up – dust off – and back on track.

      And yes it is Thailand. Some 15-20 Yogis (or Yogis to be like me). All Danish. A minor and traditional resort (we have it all for ourself with both “native” and our danish instructors)

      I have challenged myself in “sports event trips” priort. Now I truly want to challange my insight/inside ! New tools in the tool box. Help become the Soberman I am heading for 😉

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  4. Yep…get up tomorrow and start over and don’t discount the sober time you’ve had to this point! Problem is that it takes many of us several times to believe we can’t drink normally…we think we’re different etc..it’s a crock and we’re not! Hope the retreat will ground and center you…get back on the horse bro!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I stayed a couple of days in another city for work two weeks ago. big was my surprise to learn I suddenly had this little voice in my head “wow you can drink now, nobody will know, nobody will see it”! isn’t that cheeky after such a long time of none… I think as ex boozers we need to be aware all the time! having said that: I have faith in you, onwards soberman 😉 (looking forward to your dry-humour yoga story’s!)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It is cheeky – and I admit sometimes a little scary ! – I lost focus. Rain or Sunshine : be aware ! Thank alot for your faith. I really mean it. Getting support from people like you truly having a “skin in the game” is priceless.

      Regarding the Yoga stories. I PROMISE 😉

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  6. We all know how hard this can be, and we support you, soberman. Falling down doesn’t mean you have to stay down, and you never do. Like Pamela said, don’t discount your sober days; they’re still quite important. I agree with others in holding off quitting the cigarettes for now. As a former smoker, I know there’s no way I could have handled quitting drinking and smoking. At least, I would have handled it poorly, and I would have repeatedly lost my shit and gone off like a crazed person on everyone I came into contact me.

    Keep up the good work, man. Sending you strong, sober vibes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thx Rober, strong sober vies from my hero 😉

      Getting support from fellows like You with skin in game is priceless.

      No Discount on the Sober Days – Back on track. Will balance how I use my Power more wisely 😉

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  7. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be “perfect” – it’s a trap. I think accepting ourselves is really hard, but the most important thing. You already know life is better without alcohol. Have you read the Jason Vale book, Kick the Drink Easily? Sending you a big hug, and a wish for self-acceptance. We’re not any of us perfect. I was going to post a quote about perfection here but there are so many good ones, I’ll just tell you to google them yourself! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with You that most of us around here have our share of issues with self-acceptance. I do indeed.

      Thanks for the tip on Jason Vale book. Now part of my travel litterature next week 😉

      “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ― Sam Keen, To Love and Be Loved

      THX

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Well done for admitting it bro. I’ve been vaping for like 5 years. But as soon as I kicked the booze a month ago, I’ve gone back to smoking 10-20 Marlboro a day. It sucks, but it’s the lesser of two evils for me. When I get the drinking truly under control, I’ll look at quitting the smokes again. Keep it up brother.

    Like

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