Fuck – I am still sober – 90+ Days !

mr_proper

So typical ! Letting my real-life-prior-to-being-sober persona take over without Soberman noticing. “nahh, I don’t deserve it. Not necessary. Don’t brag. Not relevant”. Hell NO !  Hell YES – I am fucking 90 Days sober !

My real life is a toxin silent drama. My marriage seems to be broken beyond repair. Despite all the crisis we have been fighting and winning the last few years, it is no big surprise. This has been coming for quite some times.

Wife now determinant on moving some 50 km away with kids as soon as she can arrange for an apartment. I think she is acting truly selfish now in the midst of a crisis she even denies having. She thinks different !

I have been fighting so much against it. Mostly for all the love for my kids. And yet I have this little voice saying  “Sometimes what scares You the most is the thing that will set You free”  – not convinced, but the voice has been there for all too long to ignore.

Instead of “self medication” I am doing my out most to be present.

My timing on reaching 100 days sober next week on El Camino – the Way of St. James is truly perfect :

It’s going to be tough – no matter what .. I will keep going.

I will smile through tears and laugh through pain .. I will keep going !

Immensely peace-, beauty- & mindful – I will keep going !

way of St James el Camino Still stepping forward – one day at a time !

/Soberman

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13 thoughts on “Fuck – I am still sober – 90+ Days !

  1. How lucky I feel to have such an incredibly strong person to work alongside this path with. I’m so sorry to hear about the chaos with your family. But if you can get through THIS sober? Fuck… what else can you accomplish? I’m so happy to see you giving yourself credit where credit is due. You DESERVE to celebrate this. Happy 90 days, to you and me!!

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  2. One fucking day at a time brother. And try this, “Honey, it’s my fault. I’m sorry, stay with me. I will get better. I’ll work at it. It will happen.”

    If that doesn’t work, memorize it and repeat it to her VERBATIM, then let her go.

    Sometimes you wanna throw ’em like a dart, but ya just gotta love ’em.

    That last bit is the most important part. My sponsor, years ago before he died of cancer with his wife grieving by his side, told me that. It’s true and it works. If you work it. Your wife, if she is being selfish, is doing so because you are a frickin’ hurricane in her life. Cut it out.

    Now, as for your 90 days, congratulations brother. You don’t ever have to live through that 90 again as long as you keep coming back. 👊🏻

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    1. Thanks for taking your time on the above advice. It has been with me for the last couple of days actually. Truly makes me re-thinking. Frankly you may have a point. And frankly I have not tried the above.

      (The rest of my line of though would being to intimate -and to lenghy in my none native language – for this blog – for now – at least. )

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hold tight through the bumpy stuff, my friend. I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles. Your sobriety though is one thing you have control of and I’m cheering for your 90 days. Really wonderful.

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  4. Wow, good job, I’m so in awe of your 90 days. And I think sometimes divorce is the right answer, and so may people say they wish they’d done it sooner. The kids are everything, of course. And they will still be everything. But you will be a little more free.

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  5. You should be proud of yourself. Last time I tried to stay sober, I lost a close family member. I moved on from a bottle of wine to a bottle of whisky. I don’t even want to remember that time.
    I am horribly sorry for what you are going through. I admire your strength.

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    1. Thx TaTB. Sorry to hear about your loss. Last year was a true shitstorm. Amongst more I lost my father.

      In my native language we have a saying somewhat like “a man sometimes has to be that fare out – that he finds his place to return from”

      I believe I found that place late last year. Rebounding !

      Best wishes your way !

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  6. aww and wow.
    you sure should be proud of yourself – this is big in times you are having.
    please keep taking care of yourself like you do.

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    1. Thx m-f-m

      I sometimes feel proud and heroic – whilst at other times I am humble, feeling like staying sober is the midst I can do currently. Starting this blog somewhat foolish as “the Soberman hero” alter ego – now turns out to hold an upside IRL 😉

      Take care too

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  7. (this post is perhaps my most intimate and I questioned prior to posting)

    Eventhough not active daily this sober blogging community is now really an important part of my sobriety

    THANK You so much for every comment, like, view and message )

    Liked by 1 person

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