So typical ! Letting my real-life-prior-to-being-sober persona take over without Soberman noticing. “nahh, I don’t deserve it. Not necessary. Don’t brag. Not relevant”. Hell NO ! Hell YES – I am fucking 90 Days sober !
My real life is a toxin silent drama. My marriage seems to be broken beyond repair. Despite all the crisis we have been fighting and winning the last few years, it is no big surprise. This has been coming for quite some times.
Wife now determinant on moving some 50 km away with kids as soon as she can arrange for an apartment. I think she is acting truly selfish now in the midst of a crisis she even denies having. She thinks different !
I have been fighting so much against it. Mostly for all the love for my kids. And yet I have this little voice saying “Sometimes what scares You the most is the thing that will set You free” – not convinced, but the voice has been there for all too long to ignore.
Instead of “self medication” I am doing my out most to be present.
My timing on reaching 100 days sober next week on El Camino – the Way of St. James is truly perfect :
It’s going to be tough – no matter what .. I will keep going.
I will smile through tears and laugh through pain .. I will keep going !
Immensely peace-, beauty- & mindful – I will keep going !