I salmon swear and declare what-ever that I am Sober. Job done. Still the naive hubris foolish guy that believes he can do different ? YES !
Actually I have declared sobriety since waking up the morning after finishing my last drink ! CELEBRATION !
So everything is fixed now ? (BURP, sorry! – Friday evening – last two hours I drank 2,5 liters of Tonic Water ! Still some moderation issues). No, unfortunately sober is not my final step / that icing on the sweet cake I call my life. Early spring or not. I am out of “pink clouds”. And I still have the load of crisis pilled up for me.
Wife and kid away next 48 hours and the gin and wine is actually within reach (0,7 meters)
Breathe in Soberman – what’s your point : That Sobririty is boring. That my fixation on being Sober has stopped. I still miss some 31 days in Belles 100 days sober Challenge. Will keep counting. Not a jerk. I want the T-shirt.
The LENGTH of my soberness is now a periphery measure only , extremely well-descripted in this “Size Does Matter” post. Howtobesobergirl brilliantly argues that what is relevant instead, is the WIDTH of my (sober) actions. What life issues am Iworking on. What new and better foundation am I building for my soberness.
It is so clear now that all my excuses for drinking where of course just lying lying lying. “No good excuses for me drinking, and I stop spent energy on the bad ones”.I wildly prefer getting up and empty the cats tray than to sit with that insane internal dialog.
I can be in tears accepting all of this as late as age 46 – fuck a lot of wasted opportunities. But Hey Fuck Fuck. Now I am here. Where the rubber hits the road. Dealing with my shit. Finally dealing with the real underlying issues. Working on the Tonic intake too!
My sobriety is now a pre-requisite for my life – It is no longer a goal I will stirr me blind on !
– getting brighter and wider – sober – one day at a time
PS: It is a 100 days since I stopped smoking today 😉
Tomorrow morning I am up for a 12K trail race in fancy red 2015 Salomon Speedcross 3 shoes. Having car packed already for an early leave. Love it !