Not just the hidden gems being reveled in early sobriety !
SoberLearning had this inspiring list of recovery acronyms.
D-E-N-I-A-L reasoned especially to me as
Don’t-Even-Notice-I- Am-Lying !
I strongly hold the idea that the solution for my long-term sobriety is not delving in the past – Not this time !. Facing forward instead. But when these new moments where this clear brain, mind and heart connects to a “profound level of insights wrapped in velvet, silent music ….” Only such insights I will address and bring forward ! (I truly progressed with my new hobby, the meditation DIY starterkit this wekend ).
In a business context asking me about “me” I would answer “Work Hard – Play Hard” type-of-Guy.
And Yes I did. My career was rocketing – and I played and I partied HARD ! Then as anybody else struggling with balancing responsibilities from being a boss, a father a husband a big boy, my internal dialog was about “how to turn down the volume”. On the outside = Still the same !
Now older, sober and honest I recon that in regards to Work Hard, the only thing being hard recent years is my attempt to at trying to stick to still more secondary roles.
In regards to the Playing hard, somehow along the way I missed up Drinking for Playing. Weekend trips : Drinking. Holidays : Drinking. Whatever event/activity always fake and ambiguous motives. Frankly, it is 13 years since I last whore a Starting Number for a sport event that mattered. I have spent a lot of time (and money) on planning long solitude outdoors and biking trips and never went. Worst thing : If you asked me last year what my dreams where, the answer would be some generic crap like “it depends” – “a happy family”. Not daring the truth answers of “None – as I do no longer trust myself !”
This hole drying up / going sober is so little about not drinking and so much about daring the truth and holding faith in dreams of the future.
Auch, writing this one hurts! So many things that could have been done different. Change does not happen in the past. So thankful for me doing my shit now and for all the inspiration in my new sober blogging world !
Building a new reality – one day at a time !