Surrender is something I do against my will. Capitulation.
As if being sober is somehow being captured by an enemy force stronger than me. Me as a Prisoner of War.( P.O.W.)
And my problem about being captured, being the P.O.W.?
In the Code of Conduct a P.O.W has an obligation to escape. According to the Geneva Convention it is expected that a “…P.O.W must plan to escape, try to escape, and assist others to escape..”
Does that mean that I at any given moment should look for loopholes in my soberness, test the fence or sit imprisoned for the rest of the war ! What a not.so.wonderful outlook for further sober living.
Nope. I ACCEPT that I have a disease. I have ACCEPTED the long trail of evidence that I have left behind. I ACCEPT I myself did the math that staying sober brings me the best forecast for the rest of my life.
Come handy, in dealing with acute crisis / traumas I once learned a model. A plain simple model of 4 phases. Each phase can last days or years.
- DENIAL : First phase “FUCK : this is not happening to me”
- REACTION : the “doing something” is better than “doing nothing” phase (moderation ?)
- ACCEPTANCE : “The way it is – is the way it is” ! The hardest step !
- ACTION : Only following Acceptance we start taking the correct sound actions.
In some crisis we never get farther than Denial. Often we keep looping between Denial and Reaction.
Yes I may have been living in Denial in regards to my alcohol consumption, I may have spent enormous energy and lost a lot of self-esteem in earlier moderation attempts in Reaction mode.
But this time is different. This time me.myself.I ACCEPTED !.
I was not forced into doing this. I will not try to escape, sneak away at night or search for the key to my hand-cuffs.
Because there are no hand-cuffs. I am NOT a prisoner – the war is over – I am finally FREE !
– enjoying my freedom – one day at time !