Counting Up or Counting Down ?

Counting_UpVSDown_01

The Pickled Pastor got me thinking about my own approach towards the phenomenon of counting Days in this post. The idea of Collecting Shinny Coins – Simply our overall fixation towards counting in Sobririty.

From diverse change management tasks / leadership programs I am aware “moving towards the positive goal” is more engaging / alot easier to “buy into” (add what-ever mgmt BS-lingo 😉 ).

BUT I have also used a different set of tools for when the opposite is needed. E.g. establishing  War-rooms with brown-paper all over the walls for “Stop The Bleeding” programs. Getting off “the burning platform ASAP” programs.  Addressing issues with correct “sense of urgency” before later engagement with “sense of emergency” !

Still being somewhat of a “high functioning” alcoholics I truly believe that now sober, holding a firm look in my rear-mirrow, not forgetting my big “black box” of 2 decades of shitty moments / the lows / the lyings / the hang-overs is vital….  Being honest about how much I’m deeply deeply thankful for GETTING AWAY from where I was heading. Grabbing my own balls just timely to correct my accelerated projectory towards the “emergency room!”

100 days challenge2

I am taking part in Belles 100 Days sober challenge. Wonderful woman – yes Sober Girls Rock and so do bald sober middle-aged men !

This Sunday I will be halfway btw 😉

Talking to my doctor I mentioned the challenge just “en passant”.  I though he would find it too banal. Indeed he was surprisingly supportive, replying “some people – mostly men ! – simply need a simple challenge. That element of competition”.

And narcissistically – and with the same eager as my kids are counting down to X-mas – I  now count up to a hundred – and hold it a vital part of my gameplan / my toolbox ! The ice is still thin and the reptile brain is strong – but stupid !

But hey – what then ? As the Pickled Pastor addresses, for how long should we be counting ? What glimse of magic should we be waiting for ?

44 years AA Coin

Honestly – all respect and no offense as not being part of the AA-program – but I think there would be something truly sad about me collecting my 44 Year Coin. (see Picture : When I turn a 100 years I will use these $16.99 differently !)

Admitting the seriousness of this decease, but lets just say all the cells in my body should be replaced every 7 years – It would be a lot of diffent Sobermans collecting all of those coins 😉

This leads me to something else. In regards of counting days,  as long as I sit on my arse, I will succeeded ! Perhaps not. Last year was the annus horribilus for me and my family and so I started this year with a backlog of major issues AND a note of Start doing Different – Fighting back ;-).

Until now I have focused on me STOPPING. (“Stopping the Bleeding”). 1th of January I stopped heavy smoking. 1th of February I stopped drinking. So in March I have STARTED Meditation. (Come April ? – Nope, I will not start Yoga in April – Sorry, fare too girly 😉 any other inputs welcome 😉

And now some conclusion, pleeease ! YES I will do my counting for now – I will use it to keep reminding where I came from. And I will use it going forward as I cannot grasp “infinity”. 100 days = YES, 1 year Award (a holiday?) = YES !

Big Buzzer

BUT I will not WAIT for some magic moment. I will not stand in my Speedos on the edge awaiting some count down or count up – some signal from some Gods Big Buzzer allowing me to jump heads first – and start ENJOYING this new sober life. No way !

INSTEAD I will grasp for and ENJOY the wonderful already matured sweet fruits of my soberness EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Yes Im am still addicted. Always WILL be. I am hooked on the feeling of my heart beating wildly in my chest. I will soon manicly snooze in the smells of Spring. I love the unsecurity followed by doing something new. When I run I like the idea of winning. That’s who I am. Let’s call it PASSIONATE – it’s Friday !

And then alcohol is no longer a poisoned part of the recipe of my life. Fantastic. Leaving so much more energy for bigger splashes in this pool called my life – and without the alcohol the water is starting to be  so much clearer too 😉

wearing Speedos  – one day at time – Soberman

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